nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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