capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
