I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
