Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
