do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i love accidental penises.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
