My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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