I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
