What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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