So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
