I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
