Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
