ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
porn star boner night. come get it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
