Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I will die if light touches me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
