My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
