Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
