Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
