you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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