I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
