My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
