In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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