The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
