UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
