Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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