i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
