she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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