just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
