Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize