the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize