just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
