Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
