You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
