Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize