nut hugger
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
