I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
