I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
