If that was your dad, he is hot
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
