I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
