I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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