Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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