he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
