She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
