I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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