your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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