If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
