In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize