I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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