after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
