Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
