It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
