I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
