thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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