so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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