The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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