Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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