yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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