Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
