I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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