we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
