Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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