Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
